Even if you don’t think you are a liar , if you are not living your truth … YOU ARE A LIAR
I have a bad habit to being too nice under the guise of wanting to keep the peace. THAT IS A SELF SERVING LIE. Granted I am a nice person, I avoid conflict like the best Yogi master. I smile & breath , deflect , twist & contort myself into just about any position to avoid conflict. Even though taking the high roads has given my blisters & biting my tongue has given me the bitter taste of blood…I still do it…BUT WHY?
Now first, I thought it was a bad case of people pleasing..then when I dug a little deeper I realized it was some twisted 50 Shades of Grey mental S&M I was inflicting upon myself. Anyone who knows me..knows me ..like for real , for real knows when I blow a gasket …the whole spot and anyone within a 5 mile radius is subject to get caught up in flames. So why would I let myself get pushed to a 5 alarm when I could just address an issue when I smell the smoke. If it’s not people pleasing than what is it you ask? I don’t want to look mean. Go ahead and laugh, silly isn’t it. How is that not people pleasing and actually self serving you are now asking , well let me tell you.
I don’t want to be identified as her , there I said it! As a black woman you either wear ABW as a badge of honor , show it as scars of battles both won & lost or you run from it ; I have often chosen the later to my detriment. Self expression, exercising boundaries and assertiveness have been deemed angry when associated with a black woman , even if her voice is not raised…she must be angry…mad…bitter…I hate being stereotyped YET I have fallen right into the lie.
No more, if it smell like you just flung some poo poo at me , I’m gonna say it. If you have offended me , I will still pause and reconcile within myself BUT if it don’t balance I will say so.I will no longer be a pushover so I when I tip over I can have a “reason” to be angry. How crazy and self depreciating is that? I become the very thing I try to avoid…when I could just be aware & proactive from jump with diplomacy & tact. My words don’t have to be blunt nor my tongue sharp l they can be fluid and precise laid upon a silver tongue. I AM NOT AN ANGRY BLACK WOMAN AND I DON’T HAVE TO PROVE IT BY BEING MEEK. I was creating yet another false narrative to negate another. Even if you don’t think you are a liar , if you are not living your truth,,,YOU ARE A LIAR
You have no idea about the true complexity of the Black Womanhood you were trying to mimic!!!
And Rachel Dolazel really think she know what it’s like to be me…GIRL BYE… #NoMoreDianaPrince
Kenda Bell aka The Cultural Sociologist 